Last night, my youngest was up late with a high fever – not so high that we needed to call a doctor, but high enough that he was uncomfortable and I was worried. As the hours ticked by, my thoughts, inevitably, turned to how much sleep I wasn’t going to get that night. Alex and I have been running on literal fumes these days…his work has been insane and I’ve been hustling to keep things going at home, so a lack of sleep isn’t a new thing in our world.
But, last night was different. In my worries about my child (am I keeping him cool enough without chilling him, is he getting enough liquid, should I call the doctor?), I started to worry about Callum and Alex getting sick and then what would happen if I got sick, too. I do NOT have time for that jazz.
See, I, stupidly, decided to sign up for a half marathon – with everything else I’m doing with the boys – and my training group meets on Saturday morning. At 7’OCLOCK IN THE FRIGGING MORNING! For anyone who knows me, knows a very important part of me is that I do NOT do mornings. So, rolling out of bed at 6 so that I can go kill myself running sprint intervals is just beyond comprehension. But, here I am. So, as I’m worrying about my sweet baby, I’m also counting the hours of sleep I could POTENTIALLY get. When Rhys finally drifted off, it was a five hours, and I thought I could still do this.
Then, he woke at 5 am. And I broke. I just cannot ANYTHING on four hours of sleep. I’m not 22 people.
So, i missed my running group – the only 1.5 hours of the week that are TRULY mine. No babies, no dogs, no errands, no hubs…just me (and the demon trainers yelling at me). I regretted it the second I sent the message I couldn’t make it.
But, when do you draw the line? Who takes care of the moms when everyone else is taken care of? Sometimes, we just can’t be everything for everyone.
I’ve started thinking about this concept of “self care” a lot lately as I’m doing some guest blogging for another site. I struggle with this as I wonder how you walk the line of self indulgence and self care.
I feel as though, especially lately, I have found a good balance; I’ve made friends, I have a great group of women I workout with and with whom I have a community, and Alex lets me sleep in on the weekends…when I’m not running, of course. But, it’s taken me a while to get here.
So, kudos to those who have already figured out how to walk that very fine line and keep your chin up to those that are still finding that balance.